Colors of Love

I am sad, I am gloomy, I am bored, depressed and very very lonely.I hate this... I hate my daily routine, my job, my loneliness and I hate cribbing like this. I miss everyone so terribly. I miss being with V each and every day, miss going to work with him, miss working with him and miss doing daily chores with him.

I know, I know. I shouldn't complain. I know I am v lucky to be atleast close enough to him, that I can meet him every weekend and also atleast once during the week. I know I am lucky to have spent a blissful 1.5yrs together..all the time. It could have been worse.

And to add to it I miss my parents, my home. I miss being with them specially when the entire family is together. Its been 7 long years since I left Sikkim. In these 7 yrs, I have had short visits home twice a yr during college vacations. We used to have 7-10 days vacations and it used to take me 4 days to reach home. So, the time spent at home was never enough. Once I started working, it became a bit better as I could atleast reach faster by flight -2 days- but it was never good enough. Its been 7 yrs since I celebrated Dasain (i.e. Dushera). Its our biggest festival and I have almost forgotten what all we do during the festival. I am so out of touch. Not to mention the several small festivals all yr through.

I miss my brother. We used to fight a lot as kids, with me always winning by ending up crying and him getting scolded...but once he moved out after his 12th, we started becoming friendly and close. We have hardly spent our adult life together. Before he used to be away from home and now I am.

I long to be home...long to feel its warmth and comfort. Its been more than 2 yrs since I last went home and 21 months since I met my parents. I miss them so much. I miss going for shopping with Mom, watching movies and TV, discussing about aunts and relatives :). We were so like friends. And I miss my Dad telling me his latest 'idea' for his new book or for the shop or for this and that. He always seem to be coming up with something bright and new. Of course, we do talk about all this on phone, but that doesnt feel the same. Festivals are specially a torture. I try not to think and enjoy with friends and V. But I believe festivals are meant to be celebrated with family. When they send me pictures, I see everyone there except me. Sigh! I would have gone home this yr for a visit...but then I thought it'd be better if I get my parents here instead for a trip. So now I am waiting for everything to settle down and them to come here soon. God only knows when that's gonna happen.

All my life I have never been alone. I have always been surrounded by my family and friends. Life in Pune was quite good as my friends were always with me. Even in Columbus I didnt feel bad coz V was with me. Its been 6 months since I started living alone...and I am still trying hard to get used to it. And everyday I realize its not working at all.

The only +ve side I can see is V. Just coz I can meet him and talk to him, if not in person then atleast thru phone, it makes me feel better. Had it not been for him, I would have gone back long ago. I can manage to live through 5 days of loneliness in return for 2 days with him. He is so cute..he tries his best to make me feel happy. I am so lucky to have him. This song reflects my feelings so well. Oh I love him sooooo much!